Bounce With Me, Bounce With Me
Parenting is an adventure in calculated risk taking. It's playing the long game - sacrificing in the short term for a life filled with memories in old age. Making decisions as a parent is often times centered around evaluating risk, as we have a tendency, particularly when our kids are young, to be the gatekeepers to how much danger our children are exposed to. We know we can't keep them in a bubble, but we can limit their exposure to certain risk - secondhand smoke, excessive sugar, chemical pollutants, etc.
At the beginning of March 2020 we started dog watching. It was something suggested to us by some friends who have a dog, and observed how much they would periodically pay for someone to watch their dog. Our kids would love a dog, but my wife and I have zero interest in having a pet. Dog watching seemed like a nice compromise as the kids could get their animal fix on occasion and earn a little money that we could put into their college funds for taking care of the dogs.
If you got a pet after having kids, you can undoubtedly guess what has transpired with this arrangement. My wife and I do most all of the "taking care" of these dogs - waking up earlier than normal to let the dogs out, taking the dogs for walks, cleaning up the dog poop (both inside and outside of the house), and dealing with the local police when a dog we are watching decides to bite a neighbor. The kids on the other hand reap the benefits. Mostly financial, but they also get someone to pet and cuddle with when they are having a moment. After watching about 30+ dogs over the past year, our kids no longer have a desire for a full time pet, so our strategy has worked in some sense.
The financial benefit of watching dogs is the benefit that our kids have become most acutely aware of. Whenever my wife or I check our various financial accounts, which we do with regularity because we're such nerds, our middle child is mildly obsessed with checking their "Rover Account". I doubt it will cover their entire higher education experience, but if we continue to book at our current rate (which I hope we don't) it might get close. The claim could be staked that our kids are learning that hard work can pay off, both intrinsically and monetarily. However, it seems like they are more understanding the notion that if they shirk their duties, mom and dad will pick up the slack, and they'll still make out like bandits.
Along with a wanting a pet (before dog watching) our kids have pined regularly for a trampoline. After much deliberation, we decided that they could use some of their dog watching money to purchase one. We hoped that showing them how much would be deducted from their ever-growing bank account to purchase the trampoline might ultimately deter them from wanting one. It did not. After a few days of diligent internet research, my wife narrowed the options down to a couple she felt most comfortable with, and allowed the kids to decided which one they wanted. Upon placing the order, that same middle child inquired daily if there were any updates on the product shipping and expected arrival dates.*
I had a trampoline when I was younger, so I wasn't completely against the idea. My sister and I begged my mom relentlessly to get one, and offered no financial help toward the purchase in attempt to sweeten the deal. She relented eventually, with her one stipulation being that as soon as someone got hurt on it, it was going back. We had it less than a week before my cousin put his knee through his mouth, requiring stitches. Miraculously it stayed up in our backyard, where it served as an accomplice in a variety of other minor injuries.
We survived our inaugural season with the trampoline, with no major injuries to speak of - I realize that by saying that we are destined for a major injury very soon. The trampoline has become a microcosm for well intentioned parenting. The rule that you can only jump when an adult is present is broken multiple times a day, with near zero effort toward enforcement. The rule of only one jumper at a time has been extended to a solid half dozen on certain occasions. Flips and acrobatic tricks are at times encouraged, applauded and critiqued with expectations of improvement. Considering how long it took to assemble, the threat of taking it down due to improper use is as thinly veiled as most all of my other threats.
Jumping on a trampoline, like life, can be inherently dangerous, but also inherently fun and exhilarating, and if nothing else, exhausting. Most injuries sustained from jumping on a trampoline are often a result of colliding with another jumper. We can get hurt in life by others, often times colliding with differing opinions, attitudes or expectations. Before trampolines came with the ubiquitous nets surrounding the jumping space to prevent people from falling off, injuries were often sustained when jumpers were propelled from the trampoline and made audible contact with the ground. People can even get hurt when jumping by themselves, as recommended, if they are engaging in acrobatics that are strongly discouraged but look awesome. In life we can get hurt by taking on too much, even if we think we are capable of sticking the landing.
For all its inherent danger, there are a number of things I appreciate about the trampoline, beyond the numerous life metaphors it allows me to ponder. I like that it keeps my kids active. After the first day of using it, our kids were absolutely exhausted. The trampoline entices them to be outside and physically active. In reality, I'd rather have them sustain a broken bone from a trampoline than their brains turning to mush by sitting inside all day staring at a screen.
I also appreciate how it seems to help them with their coordination and learning about the physical capabilities of their bodies. Having spent a bit of time in various elementary classrooms this year, I am amazed at the number of times I have watched kids fall over for no apparent reason. Sometimes while they've been sitting. To some degree the trampoline helps to teach them about the limits of their own physical capabilities, something my 38 year old self doesn't always remember (especially when I use the trampoline).
Unfortunately, we didn't make it through 2021 without a broken bone, but this one was not attributable to the trampoline. A few days before the end of the year, and one day before we were supposed to embark on a ski trip to Montana, our 7 year old took a tumble while skiing at our local hill and broke his collarbone. It was an injury we didn't realize at the time - we brought him in two days later after we noticed some swelling in his shoulder. It was also a reminder that injuries can happen in all sorts of places. Given his propensity to spend as much time as he can in the terrain park throwing himself repeatedly off of any jump he can find, this fall happened somewhat benignly on the bunny hill when he caught on edge. He even admitted he was probably going too fast.
It was a sobering moment as a parent - recognizing that an activity that you exposed your children to, and one that they'd seemingly taken to without much challenge was the cause of a potentially preventable injury. But I also realize that my sister broke her arm as a young child just by jumping down the stairs (not being pushed by her younger brother, as she conveniently told my parents at the time). I also have felt fortunate that to have learned that if your child is going to break a bone, the collarbone seems pretty minor. Of course our Montana trip had to be postponed, for that and other reasons, and that ultimately lead to larger healthy related challenges that I'll expand on later.
We all have a certainly level of risk actualization, and this is developed based on our given experiences with certain types and amounts of risk. Letting your kids engage in activities like jumping on a trampoline or downhill skiing might certainly increase their risks of breaking bones or other other maladies. You can institute certain risk minimization strategies - helmets wearing, rule abiding (when convenient for you), and other measures of supervision - but you can't guarantee that trouble won't find them eventually. If you are okay with excepting the potential consequences of those risks that you allow your kids to be exposed to, or even intentionally expose them to, then I think you are doing your job as a parent.
And of course we all make mistakes, as parents, as employees, as people in general. Learning from those mistakes, to hopefully avoid repetition, is a sure fire sign of maturation in my view. And it's a lesson that I hope to impart as much as possible on my own kids, so that they can understand how to learn from their own mistakes, and avoid similar mishaps in the future. Admittedly, the amount of learning from their mistakes seems to have an inverse correlation to the number of times they behave in risky behavior and suffer significant consequences. Or, in plain-speak, they could jump on the trampoline every day and never break a bone. And then might make mistake after mistake and never learn their lesson. But just as that one inadvertent fall that precipitates and ER trip, that one lesson learned from thousands of mistakes can have profound significance.
*She also did this with the "Pop It" that my wife agreed to order her last week (using money from our daughter's bank account).
